When it Rains it POURS
And since it was your own fault for dancing around the bonfire in only a grass skirt and feathers all over your head, chanting some ancient mantra and rattling some poor soul's shrunken skull to the heavens... what else do you expect.
It's that time of the year again where things start to get particularly stressful. Accomodation plans, increase in fees, room choosing, exams, blah blah blah blah. We've heard it all before.
The week has been about me feeling particularly about leaving college life. Why should I be worried? Let me first say that I don't have problems looking after myself. Yeah, some people have gone a bit far in saying I'm a namby pamby baby still being looked after at the age of 22. But honestly, my dear old fish go boil your head. I can cook for myself, easily. It's not some great feat. I can handle bills and setting up a phone account, an internet account, paying for electriity, water lodging whatever. Heck I do it at home for my family for crying out loud. You walk to the bank of the post office with a slip of paper and pay it. Big deal. I can clean, wash whatever. I can unplug a toilet bowl (which is nasty) and fix sinks and tie up water mains. I can change a baby's diapers, feed it and put it to sleep, ok? How many 20 year olds can say that confidently? I don't have to prove any of that to myself. The only thing I'm still not entirely sure about is how to change a car wheel. But hey, I've never had the chance to learn that one.
What am I worried about? I am worried about becoming a recluse. Maybe people don't really think that I will because generally I do make friends pretty easily. But living out on my own with a busy schedule like dentistry and being almost constantly tired, will I go out of my way to have a social life. I don't want to end up in some condition where my closest friends are made online. I don't want to end up stretching myself so far to make a new group of friends from scratch at one of my busiest universities. I certainly do not want to go spiralling off into depression at any point of time from loneliness.
So arguably, I'm socially immature. And that has always been the case I think in certain senses. The question is does that mean I should just throw myself out there and hope it'll solve itself? This isn't like not knowing how to iron your clothes so you have to try and burn a few clothes till you get it right. Loneliness and depression don't get solved that way and I think I am pretty prone to those two conditions if I am not careful. They are not unfamiliar territories to me.
Anyway, all that is up in the air for now. We shall wait for further word from other authorities before we decide just how we will go into next year.
Beyond this I have knotted myself up in something somewhat severe. Besides the fact I have things to study (who doesn't?) and a magazine to complete very soon. I have exposed myself to some college politics. It's not a particularly nice scene and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever should have. On the other hand I can see no other action that I would have accepted in full conscience.
So life is very exciting right now. Makes you feel alive in the day with the blood pumping in your veins and wrigglings in your stomach. Gives you a headache because the moment you stop thinking about one thing, something else demands attention. Makes sleep slightly rougher and really strange dreams - which may just be an effect of weather change. Makes a slightly more strained person for friendships which is not a good thing but it happens.
God? God is all at once absent and omnipresent in matters as always. I have looked at the matter in length and in a time where everything within a character is being put to test it is a good time to be thinking about what God has to do with all this. Everything and nothing! I find it difficult to explain but that's what it feels like. The imprint of Yahweh on every atom, on every particle, wave, thought, concept, spirit in existence. God and Jesus are too great concepts for me to forsake just like that. If I were to, something as great would have to take their place. Is there?
And this is me signing off.
It's that time of the year again where things start to get particularly stressful. Accomodation plans, increase in fees, room choosing, exams, blah blah blah blah. We've heard it all before.
The week has been about me feeling particularly about leaving college life. Why should I be worried? Let me first say that I don't have problems looking after myself. Yeah, some people have gone a bit far in saying I'm a namby pamby baby still being looked after at the age of 22. But honestly, my dear old fish go boil your head. I can cook for myself, easily. It's not some great feat. I can handle bills and setting up a phone account, an internet account, paying for electriity, water lodging whatever. Heck I do it at home for my family for crying out loud. You walk to the bank of the post office with a slip of paper and pay it. Big deal. I can clean, wash whatever. I can unplug a toilet bowl (which is nasty) and fix sinks and tie up water mains. I can change a baby's diapers, feed it and put it to sleep, ok? How many 20 year olds can say that confidently? I don't have to prove any of that to myself. The only thing I'm still not entirely sure about is how to change a car wheel. But hey, I've never had the chance to learn that one.
What am I worried about? I am worried about becoming a recluse. Maybe people don't really think that I will because generally I do make friends pretty easily. But living out on my own with a busy schedule like dentistry and being almost constantly tired, will I go out of my way to have a social life. I don't want to end up in some condition where my closest friends are made online. I don't want to end up stretching myself so far to make a new group of friends from scratch at one of my busiest universities. I certainly do not want to go spiralling off into depression at any point of time from loneliness.
So arguably, I'm socially immature. And that has always been the case I think in certain senses. The question is does that mean I should just throw myself out there and hope it'll solve itself? This isn't like not knowing how to iron your clothes so you have to try and burn a few clothes till you get it right. Loneliness and depression don't get solved that way and I think I am pretty prone to those two conditions if I am not careful. They are not unfamiliar territories to me.
Anyway, all that is up in the air for now. We shall wait for further word from other authorities before we decide just how we will go into next year.
Beyond this I have knotted myself up in something somewhat severe. Besides the fact I have things to study (who doesn't?) and a magazine to complete very soon. I have exposed myself to some college politics. It's not a particularly nice scene and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever should have. On the other hand I can see no other action that I would have accepted in full conscience.
So life is very exciting right now. Makes you feel alive in the day with the blood pumping in your veins and wrigglings in your stomach. Gives you a headache because the moment you stop thinking about one thing, something else demands attention. Makes sleep slightly rougher and really strange dreams - which may just be an effect of weather change. Makes a slightly more strained person for friendships which is not a good thing but it happens.
God? God is all at once absent and omnipresent in matters as always. I have looked at the matter in length and in a time where everything within a character is being put to test it is a good time to be thinking about what God has to do with all this. Everything and nothing! I find it difficult to explain but that's what it feels like. The imprint of Yahweh on every atom, on every particle, wave, thought, concept, spirit in existence. God and Jesus are too great concepts for me to forsake just like that. If I were to, something as great would have to take their place. Is there?
And this is me signing off.
posted by Ash at 6:24 PM
4 Comments:
hi vong! i'm glad i found my way here (: you are a very interesting person i've concluded after an hour of absolute random chat with you at camp - seriously random wasn't it? ha ha but you already you struck me as insightful.
anyway! i don't think you are socially immature (but then again i may not know you as well as i think i do) but i know by experience that for busybees like us we can never find time for people, we make time for them ;)
peoplepolitix are yuck but God is cool! see you in Church soon i hope? have a lovelyblessed week.
lol well this is random too.
Hi hi. It is Jan right. I'm assuming it is Jan :P
Welcome to me blog. It is a little self absorbed haha.
You can change baby's diapers? pretty impressive. lolz. anyway, just dropping by to say hi, so 'Hi Vong!'. :)
Hi artie :D
How you?
Post a Comment
<< Home