Talking to parents

Ok - warning this is going to be perhaps a rather deep post pending on my mood as I type. It may reveal some shocking things, and it may step on toes. I apologise first.

So I wake this Sunday morning. It's a slow wake and I feel relatively slow. Something irritates me in the back of my head. I can't determine it. Anyway, point is, I go down for breakfast and the breakfast table I sit with is full of - sex jokes... Lewd, crude, blatant sex jokes. On most normal days I can take it and on occasion participate even (often shocking a few people). But this morning I was not in the state to take it. I know the truth is that the more vociferous someone is with sex jokes the more likely it is that they are not actually very sexually active (or they are sooo sexually active it's not funny)

But in between the studying for the exams, doing some past year papers (which I feel was pretty good that now at least I know I can pass and pray to God, things go well and I'll truly be able to get that 70++ for all subjects) the thought has been bothering me. That stupid incessant thought that I am sure at one point or other I have I have lamented to all my friends.

See it shouldn't disturb me. But it does all the same. Of all my old classmates, I am the last remaining that has remained single (Ishak does not count and maybe I am forgetting a couple of others - and if any of you dare mention JC, Ishak will kill you for placing him in the same category). Almost all of my friends here have been attatched. So this disturbs me... is there something wrong with my psyche?

Secondly, other people. So many people have lost their virginities. Like everyone. It is after all a general statistic. And for some reason this disturbs me. More than it clashing with values I claim to ascribe to, it disturbs me that one day, I too may lose my virginity before marriage. To me, that is losing some sort of honor I have been holding onto all this time. And yet... I know indeed, in a moment of weakness, I could lose it all. Does it matter that much? What will the aftermath of that be?

In times of desperate confusion. When peers have no answers, and God is keeping very quiet, I turn to my parents. :P It's like a last resort to inner questions thing. When I know I can't take it anymore.

Lol. In ways I wish I turned to it more often for my parents often give me answers that are often true and often comforting. So I rang mum and dad. They were I suppose ammused with me and my puzzlement.

This is what the conversation with my mum goes like - So mum what do you think? Well, it is the current trend now. I mean you should not feel pressured to follow and be like all your peers. Just cos everyone else is attatched it doesn't mean you have to be. - yeah I know mum. still it disturbs - Well, you don't really know. You might be too choosy and there are so many reasons people are prepared to have a relationship for. If you are so adamant in looking for a beautiful, intelligent, interesting, sharing similar interests etc etc, then obviously it will take you time to find that person. Then again you never know, you might change and everything. Don't worry about it, your father in the bg says as long as you aren't gay it's okay. - Haha. Yeah. So mum, what happens if I do lose my virginity? - Well, I certainly wouldn't advocate you to go jumping from bed to bed. I think you should be rather commited to a relationship before you have sex. But you have to measure your own values. You already know what to do and what not to do in sex. I'd be alright. Look, when you come to it then worry about it. You will just have to weigh out what things you want to hold on to. I mean, you'll just have to weigh out your values, your christianity, what the girl wants and so on. Don't stress over it now. Wanna talk to dad he really wants to say a lot here haha

This is dad - So dad I was asking mom whether my views and stuff were normal - Well of course they are, as long as you aren't gay I wouldn't ask for more - :P - But Wen, you were always more of a thinking character anyway. I never really expected you to go for pure physical attraction. I think us Vongs are more like that. Of course you're 20 and full of raging hormones and when a pretty girl walks past you're going to look twice. That's okay that's normal. - And if I lost my virginity? - I wouldn't think twice about it. It's not like you're a daughter, you're a son. Just know that men can't be raped, so if you have sex you are responsible at least for agreeing to even if you don't initiate it. (insert here story about Vong honor and almost beating a white man to death with tai chi over a parking space - dad didn't want the space, he wanted the fight) Well, these days sometimes it's good to hold on to some values I mean you're only 22. And of course when you get money the bloodsuckers will all come. It's hard to tell. Don't worry about it.

Well they obviously said more but this is what I gathered.

Mum's advice in synopsis - take it easy, you have had girls attracted to you before, don't sleep around, use condoms, think things through.

Dad's advice in synopsis - sex is overrated, if you do it remember you agreed to it, at least you are not gay, it's no biggie eitherway, Vongs mature slowly in this area, be an honorable man, I can beat any white man to pulp :P

In a way I feel relieved. I guess now I feel free. Whatever I decide, it'll be my decision of what I want to do and why. I'll wait here at this point of thought process. At least now, it'll just be between me and God. And that's how it should be. Some day, we'll return to this conjecture, and I'll see just will happen. But I hope at the very least I will live in truth of who I am and what I have done - after all a Vong must uphold his honor :P