Prayers answered and the will of God
How often do prayers get answered? For my own, I take note of them very seldomly when a prayer is answered. It is one thing to get good things from God. It is another thing to have something happen which could be due to chance. And then... there are things that should not happen but do, and you know your prayers were heard.
The last couple of days, have been stressful as hell. There comes to a point where I know I don't know everything in the notes, but I can't bring myself to read through them again because I'm sick of them.
Amidst a lot of personal doubt and increasing grumpiness and troubled sleep, yet there is the force of God moving through people in my life. It's funny. If you get to caught up in your own problems you would never see Him. He likes being invisible like that.
There are always too many problems in this world. Forever, there are people with woes and troubles. To actually see a few answered prayers, ones that I never expected to see answered, is amazing. Often I pray for things. But always so few things happen that you begin to pray without actually expecting anything to be fulfilled. Sometimes the times you wait it is never fulfilled. And then you begin to wonder if there is someone else at the end of the telephone line.
It really makes me think about a lot of things. If God knows my problems already, why do I still list them out to Him? If there are things he wants to happen and things he doesn't want to happen, then asking him for things, does it really make a difference? There are somethings I know that he would want and I want to, yet they never come true. Why? I don't understand God most of the time. Funny, most people take that as the excuse not to believe in Him. But I sit here waiting. Happy at least some prayers were answered. Happy that as far back as I can see I know He's been in my life.
Walking back in the shadows today, how easy and yet how difficult it would be to just stop all this Christian business. Tomorrow I could wake up and choose another path to walk. It would work. Maybe I would be happier? Makes me wonder which is the easier way out, to remain a Christian or to walk away?
It's not easy being Christian, for me at least. Everyday you wake up and you are meant to bear that cross in your life. It's not easy always trying to be nice to people. Some people just cross you and annoy you. And then you become a buffer for everyone else since you're the only one trying to be nice to them. I grow tired of trying to fend my beliefs. I would like to just say that I think everything and everyone is fine. It's not easy to live in faith - holding on to something that you cannot see and will never have proof of. It's not just trusting what you can't see, it's betting your life on it. Restraining yourself from a hundred things you would like to indulge in. And day after day of asking yourself why why why why? Sometimes it's suffocating... But sometimes it's something I bear with pride. Like battle scars. Other times I just want to throw in the towel and say God I'll meet you again at some later point in life.
Just tired now. Very tired.
The last couple of days, have been stressful as hell. There comes to a point where I know I don't know everything in the notes, but I can't bring myself to read through them again because I'm sick of them.
Amidst a lot of personal doubt and increasing grumpiness and troubled sleep, yet there is the force of God moving through people in my life. It's funny. If you get to caught up in your own problems you would never see Him. He likes being invisible like that.
There are always too many problems in this world. Forever, there are people with woes and troubles. To actually see a few answered prayers, ones that I never expected to see answered, is amazing. Often I pray for things. But always so few things happen that you begin to pray without actually expecting anything to be fulfilled. Sometimes the times you wait it is never fulfilled. And then you begin to wonder if there is someone else at the end of the telephone line.
It really makes me think about a lot of things. If God knows my problems already, why do I still list them out to Him? If there are things he wants to happen and things he doesn't want to happen, then asking him for things, does it really make a difference? There are somethings I know that he would want and I want to, yet they never come true. Why? I don't understand God most of the time. Funny, most people take that as the excuse not to believe in Him. But I sit here waiting. Happy at least some prayers were answered. Happy that as far back as I can see I know He's been in my life.
Walking back in the shadows today, how easy and yet how difficult it would be to just stop all this Christian business. Tomorrow I could wake up and choose another path to walk. It would work. Maybe I would be happier? Makes me wonder which is the easier way out, to remain a Christian or to walk away?
It's not easy being Christian, for me at least. Everyday you wake up and you are meant to bear that cross in your life. It's not easy always trying to be nice to people. Some people just cross you and annoy you. And then you become a buffer for everyone else since you're the only one trying to be nice to them. I grow tired of trying to fend my beliefs. I would like to just say that I think everything and everyone is fine. It's not easy to live in faith - holding on to something that you cannot see and will never have proof of. It's not just trusting what you can't see, it's betting your life on it. Restraining yourself from a hundred things you would like to indulge in. And day after day of asking yourself why why why why? Sometimes it's suffocating... But sometimes it's something I bear with pride. Like battle scars. Other times I just want to throw in the towel and say God I'll meet you again at some later point in life.
Just tired now. Very tired.
posted by Ash at 8:40 AM
4 Comments:
aww baby. There there. Sleep with a pillow on your chest. ^__^
My prayers, I can pinpoint a few that have been answered. Like, the big ones especially -- my being in Melbourne at all at this point of time is one of the biggest ;)
I asked our family friend once that same question. "Why do you have to pray for God's intercession in our lives if He is omnipotent anyway? wouldn't he just reach in and do it without needing to be cajoled?"
She said to me, "I don't know for sure, but I know God works in mysterious ways."
And I thought, perhaps one has to pray in order to focus one's attention on the thing or person you're praying for, and then one can give glory to God when it is accomplished. And I won't touch on whether or not God needs us to remind Him of little things when He's got the whole world to attend to.
Yeah, I can see Him in the big things too. Like my being in my secondary school, and then going to Singapore and now here.
But you can just get really caught up in your own life and forget all these things.
Well, God knows everything. Jesus said so himself (read this at some point) that before we pray he already knows what we are going to ask for. I guess it's just about talking to him. Like we don't expect to just call up our parents and say, yup fees are coming up, put money in the bank, kthxbye.
Ah sigh. But waiting for answers and fulfilled prayers. That's another thing... faith is something I have very little of. Smaller than a mustard seed sometimes I think.
i know the feeling. wonder what it's like without Him.
and in reply to a post further down, vong, not EVERYONE has lost their virginity, geez, at least, not those in our social group, and those in your very own apartment
=p
lol. True not in our social group. And in fact not EVERYONE I know. But I was feeling melodramatic and in the moment. Still, there are enough to make me ... uncomfortable? that's not quite the word. disturbed? preturbed? bemused?
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